A week of many emotions …

I've been caught up in my thinking this week. It's been a week of so many different emotions, and I wanted to share it with you -. straight from my heart.

Last Friday was the anniversary - the fourth anniversary - of losing my Dad. Part of me can't believe four years have gone by. And I know that for my beautiful Mum, it's been a long four years.

What I also know about my beautiful Mum is that she made a commitment, on the morning that he died, to keep smiling. And that's what she does, even when her heart doesn't feel like smiling. She is courageous and graceful, and she is my inspiration.

I have a line in my ‘document’ - my commitment to myself - that says: I am a courageous mother, daughter, sister, and friend. And if I struggle to be with courage or grace, I know I can choose to return there.

On Wednesday, it was my birthday. We’re all about the birthday eve, so that's what we did. On Tuesday, I had a beautiful day with Meg. We strolled in the sunshine and frolicked in the sea. We drank good coffee and ate dinner down on Newquay Harbour. It was a blissful day.

On my actual birthday, I woke up with a head full of noisy, judgmental thoughts! I was judging myself for not being enough for my Mum, judging myself for needing some space. The spiral lasted for hours. And it felt heavy.

I know that beyond those feelings, there's always a gentler wave to come. But whilst I was in the spiral, I noticed that I felt sad. I noticed that I felt overwhelmed. And a very dear friend noticed that too. She was there for me. I feel very blessed to have special people around me.

Thursday was a lighter day, a brighter day.

Friday, my Mum had her second cataract operation. Honestly, she's such a star. We went to the surgery in my pretty van, so she experienced the whole thing as a bit of an adventure, and she smiled.

And today, it would have been their 67th wedding anniversary. I know that behind her smiles, she's missing my dad. But she made the commitment to keep smiling. And so she does. She is an absolute joy.

Tomorrow is Father's Day. I'll honour my dad, and I'll honour the fact that I now live in Charlestown - which was one of his favourite places. He loved it here. He’d buy us ice creams. He'd always moan about how expensive they were. ‘Grumbling’. That was his thing. He loved to grumble. It was part of who he was.

And I miss the grumbling.

Whatever you're feeling this week, allow yourself to feel it. All of it. That's what living with courage and grace is all about. Allowing. Noticing. And knowing that you're okay... beyond the thoughts you’re in.

Love,

Kate x