The Power of Listening
The Business Cornwall magazine - June edition - is as always, full of [Cornish] Gold.
This month, the Zeitgeist section was full of treasure, where ‘treasure’ for me is when a light is shone on something close to my heart.
I wish I’d been surprised when I read “more than one in four young employees say their mental health has been affected because they don’t feel safe enough to speak up or ask for help at work.” But I wasn’t.
Across workplace generations, MHFA England® data shows that 78% of employees say psychological safety reduces their motivation.
There are lots of amazing, supportive, employers out there.
And lots who, whilst the desire to create a great culture is strong, the reality is something else.
As a senior manager, MD, or director, are you making time for conversation with your colleagues? I don’t mean the ‘tick box’ appraisal…. I mean time to deeply listen.
I have a client who’s been operating in burn out for so long it’s become his ‘normal’.
His boss did what lots of bosses do. There was a knee jerk reaction of ‘sticking plaster’ solutions. And then nothing.
I happened to be chatting to him - almost a year ago - and I could hear his exhaustion.
We’ve talked every month since then. He chose to self-fund our work together …. fearful of being judged as not competent or capable if his bosses knew his struggle.
He didn’t want them to know he was surviving on four hours sleep to keep on top of the ever increasing work load and his family responsibilities.
He didn’t want to undermine their confidence in him.
So he ‘pushed through’.
His beautiful family has been impacted.
His mental health has been compromised.
He was barely surviving.
Being listened to, without judgement or agenda, has been pivotal for him.
Slowly he started to realise that his ‘normal’ isn’t normal.
He’s seeing things more clearly. There’s more equilibrium across his ‘living week’.
He’s got time to ponder why the sky is blue with his gorgeous children.
And work is starting to settle too. He’s more energised. More focused. More confident. More productive.
His bosses are noticing. And they think he’s simply ‘over’ whatever had been going on.
His reflection to me recently… “I had no idea what coaching was”.
He shared more …
“Years of reflection, conversations, meditation, and therapy have helped me understand why I feel like I do, but never how to stop feeling that way. I’ve often been met with unhelpful advice such as “If you’re anxious, just don’t worry so much. Or “If you can’t organise yourself, make a list.” Or “If you’re not productive, work harder.”
Yet, after a only a short time working with Kate it’s as though a light has been shone directly onto things that have always been right in front of me, but somehow impossible to find.
I feel clearer, more present for my family and more focused in my work and my life.”
The power of being listened to. Priceless.
Thank you Toni Eyriey for printing this thought-provoking piece.